A date with destiny
Local rock singer tackling fear of failure today with 'Idol' audition
By Carol Ann Alaimo
Arizona Daily Star
Tucson, Arizona | Published: 07.25.2008
For weeks, a clock has been ticking inside Megan Lopez's head. It is counting down to a date with destiny, bringing her face to face with one of her worst fears — the fear of being judged a failure.
It is not a fear Lopez is willing to live with any longer. And so, with high hopes, frayed nerves and fresh scarlet streaks in her hair, the Tucson teacher and part-time lounge singer embarks today on the biggest gamble of her life: the tryouts for a spot on "American Idol."
"To be honest, I'm scared witless," says Lopez, 26, who teaches fifth grade at Drexel Elementary School when she's not fronting the group Megan's Law, a blue-collar rock-and-roll cover band.
"I'm just so scared to fail, to have to come home and tell everyone I've failed.
"I care too much what people think. I care what everyone in this room thinks," she says gesturing toward the crowd at Boondocks Lounge, where her band performed on a recent Saturday night.
If she fails, it will not be Lopez's first musical heartbreak. This time, though, it will be a test of how far she's come since the last time her dreams were dashed.
With her four-piece backing band, Lopez exudes confidence on stages around Tucson. She prances and sweats, tossing her inky mane while belting radio hits like Joan Jett's "I Love Rock 'n' Roll."
But at the "Idol" audition in Glendale, Lopez will be all alone in the spotlight — no guitars to hide behind if her voice cracks or she misses a high note.
For a singer, it's like being naked. It is this thought that scares her most.
"It will just be me, standing there," she says, her voice trailing off. "That's probably what I'm most nervous about. What am I going to do without my band?"
Like many Tucsonans, Lopez is a transplant. She hails from San Diego, where her late grandmother sang on the radio in the 1930s and '40s.
It was Grandma who turned her on to music. "She would sing to me in the car, really put on a show. 'Would you like to swing on a star? Carry moonbeams home in a jar?' " Lopez recalls, breaking into the old Bing Crosby tune.
At 10, Lopez was auditioning for musical-theater roles and, later, playing leads.
"I probably did 60 shows between the ages of 10 and 17, show after show and sometimes two at a time.
"I was a chorus member in 'Heidi.' I was one of the orphans in 'Annie.' I played Dorothy in 'The Wizard of Oz.' Musical theater was my life."
In 1999, that passion brought her to Tucson to audition for the University of Arizona's musical-theater program.
The first two years, she tried out and made it. But just before her junior year, Lopez got a letter saying she hadn't made the cut and had to leave the program.
"My childhood dream was ripped away. My whole life I'd wanted it and worked for it, and then — boom! — they told me I wasn't good enough," Lopez says, her eyes tearing up as she speaks even six years later.
The washout sent her into a three-year depression, she says. She'd sit home alone nights, weeping, snacking and watching TV. She gained 20 pounds. She avoided music, wouldn't even turn on a radio.
"I remember breaking down in my apartment and crying for hours. I thought I would never love music again."
But, eventually, the sun came out.
Lopez switched majors and went into teaching, her second love. She started singing karaoke at a local pub. Her boyfriend, rhythm guitarist Ryan Lynch, liked her voice and got her into the band that later became Megan's Law.
Looking back, Lopez says, "failure taught me how strong I am. Life gets hard and people have a tendency to give up on themselves. But you can't give up."
Recent weeks have been a whirlwind of preparation as Lopez strives for the perfect sound, the perfect look that will make her stand out in a crowd of thousands.
Judges won't know about the countless hours she's spent singing in her car, or in front of the bathroom mirror. Or the $300 she spent on a new outfit at Macy's. Or her recent trip to a Tucson hair salon for her very first dye job.
"Don't worry, you'll look great! I'm so proud of you," colorist Kathryn Gilmartin told Lopez as she painted red and gold streaks into the singer's hair at Mane Street Salon on North Wilmot Road.
"I like it. It gives me a little oomph, like a rocker chick," Lopez declared afterward, patting her tresses.
She sighs. Her mind is whirling, trying to settle on which song she should start with for her 20- to 30- second audition in the first round.
She vacillates between KT Tunstall's "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree," Melissa Ethridge's "I'm the Only One," and "Who Knew" by Pink. She decides to lead with Pink but rehearses all three, just in case judges ask for more.
If she makes it past today's round, Lopez says, she'll be sworn to secrecy by a pre-audition agreement she signed. She'll then face several more rounds, eventually auditioning for superstar judges Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson.
Like '80s singer Pat Benatar, Lopez plans to hit them with her best shot.
Even if it's a long shot.
"Let's be honest: the odds are better in a lottery," she says.
"I'm 5-foot-2 and a little overweight. But I have so much music in me to share.
"If I don't do this, I'll spend the rest of my life wondering, 'What if?' "
● Contact reporter Carol Ann Alaimo at 573-4138 or at calaimo@azstarnet.com.
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